We chose the name “Absolute Horror” for this website for a reason. The word “Absolute” is defined as “Perfect in quality or nature; complete”, while the word “Horror” is defined as “An intense, painful feeling of repugnance and fear.” The two terms seem to be inapposite, but in reality we seek the Absolute Horror – those movies that are so terrible that they achieve perfection. One Absolute Horror that exists outside of the horror realm is the television show FULL HOUSE. From the opening song, to the cheesy character intros and to the perfect one-liners that have emerged: “Okay dude!” “How rude!”, Full House meets all the requirements. So, we all know what the Olsen Twins are up to, Bob Saget has been on Entourage and the movie “The Aristocrats”, Dave Coulier was on “The Surreal Life”, John Stamos is now without Rebecca Romjin, Candace Cameron married a hockey player, but what about Scott Weinger, the voice of Aladdin and Cameron’s boyfriend Steve? AbsoluteHorror.com has found him.
Mr. Weinger plays the role of Cole in the snowboarding slasher flick SHREDDER. The movie follows a group of snowboarders who head up to an abandoned ski resort to do some off-limits shredding. Before arriving, they stop at a local watering hole where the conversation with the tavernkeeper goes something like this:
Tavernkeeper: “Stay away from Rocky Summit.”
A response of indifference from the snowboarder.
Tavernkeeper: “I’m telling you, stay away from Rocky Summit? We folks don’t want you going near that place.”
How about a movie where the tavernkeeper says “Please go to Rocky Summit. It’s haunted and the locals don’t mind if you anger the spirits.”
So, a few years back, there was a murder up on the mountain when some boarders drunkenly ran a little girl off the slopes. When our group arrives, they immediately are terrorized by an all black-wearing snowboarder who conveniently leaves the “Rules of the Mountain” lying around the slopes. Hmm, I wonder who would have a vendetta against snowboarders?
Weinger is the best among the bad actors in this movie, not too difficult a feat to attain. His character is a loser who has a crush on a hot blond who treats him like crap. Poor dude, not only does he catch the blonde screwing another guy in a hottub, but he ends up hooking up with the girl who everyone thinks is a lesbian. Poor Scotty. A cool drinking game would be to watch this movie with your eyes closed, picturing Aladdin going through all of these scenarios as Scotty still sounds like Aladdin (guess he never did cross the puberty line).
The movie has some cool snowboarding scenes – definitely where the majority of the budget went. There were some beautiful shots of the mountain, along with some very cool boarding moves, but who really cares, I can get that fix watching X Games. It’s too bad that money couldn’t have been used for some better gore. In one part of the movie, the character gets her scarf caught up in a ski lift and the director shows her hanging by the lift three or four times as if the directors were trying to get extra mileage out of a kill that isn’t even that scary. It’s like “Where’s Sarah?” as unbeknownst to the characters, Sarah is behind them hanging by a skilift. Fine, use it once, but not three or four times.
In my favorite part, when one of the characters is killed, you thank the TIVO gods as you can slow-mo and watch how hackneyed the editing was in the death. It looks like the character is sucked into the blades like a cartoon character. C’mon, now. Watch this for the Aladdin/Full House kid, but that’s it.
RATING: * (out of four)