THE BREED

Posted by our guest panelist, The Babysitter.

A series of murders.   A killer who then attacks the detectives investigating the murder.   A dream sequence followed by a revelation: Vampires have finally decided to come out of the proverbial closet, joining a post World War II Naziesque world, where costumes are retro enough to take your mind off the terrible moth-ridden plot holes.  Yes, welcome to THE BREED, one of the original rip-offs (yes, oxy moron, I know) of BLADE about vampires living among us.

The acting is absolutely abysmal and I wanted to know why Highlander (Adrian Paul) would make such a horrible movie. Was he late on child support payments? Did he lose a bet? I kept asking myself why I continued to watch, but sometimes, when something is so terrible, that it bends reality, you have to see what comes next. Like a retarded kid trying to button his shirt, I was entranced with the boring dialog, cardboard characters and lack of action.

I did learn a few things though:
1) All vampires are perverts who enjoy underground leather clubs.
2) Never trust a man in a trench coat.
3) Even though you're dead, your first priority is always sex with strangers.

As the movie drones on, we are welcomed with the plot of scientists who are busily making a virus to kill all vampires. Steve Grant is now partnered with; get this, a vampire detective! The originality had me asking, "Was the Director on crack?" But considering the budget I am sure the crew could not afford such luxuries.

Apparently, the director was looking to make a statement with this film. He uses propaganda like they did in WWII to disseminate information, equating vampires with Nazis and their food as Jews. He made a terrible mess of the entire film by relying on this one message throughout the film and missing some huge opportunities to making it a good movie. The virus in the end is of course eradicated before it can be used against its real intended target, humans.

I wouldn't qualify this film as deserving any stars, but generously, I will award it one. Perhaps the shiny surface of it will keep the director occupied and bereft of any other ideas.

RATING: * (out of four)