Submitting by Absolute Horror Panelist, the 30-Something Senior.
I’m sure I’m not alone when I ask this question. Have you ever wondered what the Care Bears Movie would have been like directed by David Lynch? What would have happened if Wes Craven had written for Disney or if John Carpenter had shot The Barney Christmas Special? What if The Devil’s Rejects had hosted an episode of Sesame Street or if Jim Henson had taken that infamous acid trip to Las Vegas instead of Hunter S. Thompson?
Oh wait, Peter Jackson already answered that last one.
That’s right, before the prodigal-celluloid-son of New Zealand went on to enthrall the masses with his homo-erotic trilogy about munchkins with hairy feet, he whiled away his younger years working at a photo shop, listening to LP’s of The Beatles and self-producing a hardcore BDSM puppet exploitation film.
MEET THE FEEBLES, Jackson’s 2nd film, a more than blatant “parody” of America’s own beloved Muppets, was marketed originally with the tagline “Hell Hath No Fury like a Hippo with a Machine Gun”. Though, in my opinion “Who Knew Fur-vert Pornography Could be this Much Fun?” would have been just as effective. Quite simply stated, in the plainest, most laymen analogy I can muster, MEET THE FEEBLES is the Muppets on crack and it’s an f-ing riot!
The story opens backstage, on the set of The Feebles Variety Hour, where Robert our shy, bumbling, hero of a hedgehog is starting his first day in the Feeble’s chorus, immediately falling head over heels for a dancing poodle named Lucile. Sparks fly and the film’s romance ignites. Not to worry though, while the underlying love story is the same as the Muppet’s in the most gut-wrenching sense, the world of MEET THE FEEBLES at least offers its visitors more shit, blood and spunk than a federal penitentiary.
As we “Meet” the Feebles, we find life behind the scenes of a hit television show to be endearingly similar to our own, and are instantly drawn into the drama of such characters as: Heidi the Hippo who fights to win back her big-shot producer, coke-dealing-drug-lord of a husband Belch the Walrus from the arms of a prostitute pussy; Harry the Hare who discovers that his years of humping like a rabbit have left him more diseased than a leper colony; and Trevor the Rat who desperately searches for the right leading lady to star in his next bovine-bondage fetish flick.
All that, plus it’s a musical to boot! Complete with such unforgettable numbers like “I’ve Got One Leg Missing” and the tear jerking “Sodomy”, which serves as the perfect backdrop for Jackson’s signature B-Movie splatterfest finale. Flat out, if you haven’t seen MEET THE FEEBLES, rent it, buy it or sell your first born to get your hands on it. It truly is one movie that I can say is unforgettable. Who knew two tons of polystyrene and some faux-fur could be this life changing? Hey, leave Joan Rivers out of this.
RATING: **** (out of four)