CREATURE UNKNOWN
There’s something
sort of charming about a movie that is so completely derivative and unoriginal.
There are no illusions on the part of
the filmmakers that they are making CITIZEN KANE. Everyone involved gets together and says, “This
is going to be one crappy horror movie – let’s do it!” CREATURE UNKNOWN is one such film. It’s about 2 parts FRIDAY THE 13th
and 1 part CREATURE FROM THE BLACK LAGOON. The result is a pretty entertaining
shlock-fest with enough gore and laughter to keep me smiling for 80 minutes.
CREATURE UNKNOWN somehow
finds a contrived way to get its cast of characters together and into the
woods. In this case, it’s a reunion of
old high school friends who decide, God knows why, to get together and go up
into the forest where one of the crew’s dead brother. At least, they think he’s dead. He disappeared years ago and was never seen
since. So, clearly, it’s the prime spot
for a reunion. I’d have picked Hawaii, maybe Miami,
or even perhaps a nice ballroom at a Holiday Inn. Nope, they have to go to where the brother
disappeared. Smart.
Once they get
there, of course the traditional cliques start to form and the strains of the
social fabric are revealed. But, really,
who cares? Not one of these characters
is interesting. Coincidentally, not one
of the actors playing them can act. Pretty
soon they start to get taken out one by one by a creature. How do we know it’s a creature? Because the movie shows it to us from the
very beginning. No subtle hints
here.
Soon Chase
Masterson of DEEP SPACE NINE gets involved as a doctor with a secret. This secret torments her and leads to
numerous incredibly strained dramatic scenes between her and the surviving
brother. In the meantime, we get to see
the creature leap around the woods killing young people. Let’s talk about this creature for a
second. I’m somewhat of a connoisseur of
bad monster outfits. After all, one of
my favorites is HUMANOIDS FROM THE DEEP. But this one is up there with the worst. It looks like a costume that you could buy at
your neighborhood Ricky’s, covered with water to make it look like “slime.” Best of all is the creature’s face, which is
so obviously a mask that they don’t even try to make the expression change.
All of this leads
to a big secret that you could see coming a mile away. And yet, part of the reason I enjoyed this
movie is because the secret is so obvious. Don’t get me wrong, there’s essentially
nothing of merit in this movie. The
acting, effects, costumes, plotting, are all pretty much crap. But this movie gets by just this side of “so
bad it’s good.” I am embarrassed to
admit it, but I enjoyed CREATURE UNKNOWN.
RATING: *** (out of
four)
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