BLACKWATER VALLEY EXORCISM

Truth is stranger than fiction...but will it make good movie?  The answer is a resounding absolutely from BLACKWATER VALLEY EXORCISM.  So what we have here is, basically, the same exorcism story you've already seen about a dozen times before. Catholic priest called in, with "a troubled past", and "demons of his own", to start pounding demon ass.  In perhaps one of the most overt exorcism titles of the last ten years, we actually kick things off with a possession.  This is not something that you see very often, but this does give it a little extra edge.  Most exorcism stories require some kind of buildup, but here, you'll actually see a possessed person within the first five minutes.

DISTURBANCE

Let's make a crossgenre pie this week, folks.  How, you ask?  It's not as hard as you think.  Though you're not likely to enjoy the results.  First off, let's take one part action pointless violence, one part science fiction confusing random alien encounter, and one part gooshy horror low-budget slime mess.  Mix them all together in a big old pot of DVD plastic and half-bake the entire concept in a pan lined with the worst script you could find and the result is DISTURBANCE, a big steamy pile of waste of our time.

BLOOD RANCH

Here's a brainteaser for my dear readership this week--who would ever be so sufficiently brain damaged as to rip off HOSTEL?  Who, who could ever be so base as to emulate the roaring lump of misery that was Eli Roth's worst stand?  That's a question we're going to answer just one paragraph down.

ABOMINABLE

When I first put ABOMINABLE into my DVD player, I didn't know what to make of it.  I'll give you the full rundown later--first we've got to get the plot covered.  So what we have here plotwise is the homecoming of a newly-paraplegic former mountain climber named Preston Rogers, who apparently not only has the worst luck in the world but also the worst timing.  He's managed to come home at the exact same time a string of unexplained and bloody happenings have been going on.  Apparently, lots of animals, and possibly some people too, have been recently killed by a mystery beast...that leaves behind only mangled corpses...and big footprints.  Yes, that's right...it's a movie about Bigfoot. Yeah. Bigfoot.

MASTERS OF HORROR: THE DAMNED THING

It’s baaaaack. Showtime’s generally popular horror series from 2005 returns with a whole new batch of episodes in its second season. For those unfamiliar with the MASTERS OF HORROR conceit – essentially Showtime gathers together a mix of established and up-and-coming horror directors and tells them they can make whatever they want, without any censorship from the network, as long as it fits within an hour and comes in on budget. Season 1’s record was largely hit-or-miss, but the highpoints (John Carpenter’s CIGARETTE BURNS in particular) were genuinely horrific and delivered the goods. Season 2 kicks off with THE DAMNED THING, Tobe Hooper’s seriously bloody, but not particularly thrilling take on demons in a small town.