Okay, everybody remain calm. This is a Brian Yuzna movie, and that
means one of two things. It will be either amazing, or it will be
godawful. There are no mediocre Brian Yuzna movies that I know of,
yet, so brace yourself. And what Yuzna sets out for us this time looks fairly familiar. The
village of Marienbad in northern Spain has had a whole lot of
unpleasant stuff going on in it (if you're thinking DAGON at this point
you're in good company -- I sure did, and it scared me half to death).
But anyway, the Spanish government is about to flood the village and
surrounding valley, sealing the evil away under several million gallons
of water.
Continue reading "BENEATH STILL WATERS" »
So this week, we've got a new entry into the category of "pathologically screwed-up horror by nation". Japan
no longer holds the title all by its onesies, folks...oh no. Japan's
old buddies the Germans have thrown their hat in that ring, and have
done so in grand style. Presenting NIGHT OF THE LIVING DORKS, a production that alternates
wildly between cringe-inducing awkwardness (no one, no one, should have
to listen to their mother describe how their father handled HIS morning
wood issues, and certainly no one else should be subjected to it
either) and uproarious comedy.
Continue reading "NIGHT OF THE LIVING DORKS" »
Well, folks, you've walked into a real doozy this week. You've walked
into the midst of me about to unchain a mass of hyperbole the likes of
which you have not seen from me, at least not since the last time I
took on a movie from the new German wonder of the godawful movie
realm. No, not Uwe Boll--but rather a man so reprehensible, so vile,
and so utterly unworthy of a budget to make films that he is now the
new topper of my personal video store shit list: Ulli Lommel. And the newest pile of steaming cinematic crapola brought to us by
this crime against video store patrons, DIARY OF A CANNIBAL, is
basically eighty minutes of flashbacks and assorted revelations on the
way to yield just one central theme. One day, a girl named Noelle
Scanlon killed her boyfriend and ate his heart. At his request.
Continue reading "DIARY OF A CANNIBAL" »
