“What? JACK FROST?!” You're asking yourselves now, “Why is he reviewing a family film?” My gut response to that question is to say that I couldn’t get tickets for HERBIE: FULLY LOADED so I took the next best Michael Keaton movie. But then my next response will be to slap you firmly across the face with an open palm, leaving a bright red round mark soon to be wet with tears streaming over it. No, you sick fool, not that JACK FROST!
This JACK FROST you may already be familiar with and not even realize it. Here’s the scene: you’re walking through the video store and a cover catches your eye. It’s one of those holographic-type covers which changes depending on the angle from which you’re looking. From one side you’ll see an innocuous-looking snowman, but if you move to the other side it becomes an angry snowman with spiked teeth. The tag-line of the title also changes from "He's Chillin'..." to "And Killin'..." The production company is to be applauded for such an innovative cover – and for being willing to divert money from the actual film production into the video cover so that at least one aspect of the movie is of professional quality.
Now to the plot, if you haven't been able to figure it out already: The film opens with the camera moving slowly over a Christmas tree and the voice-over of a man telling a little girl a Christmas story about Jack Frost. Yet this story isn’t about the Jack Frost we all know and love, featuring an actor who hit his peak in MR. MOM. No, this story is about Jack Frost (Scott MacDonald), the homicidal maniac who sliced, diced, and pureed his way through the countryside. It just so happened, the man told the girl, that Jack Frost was being transported to the prison where he was to be executed that very night...
Well, guess what? He doesn't quite make it there. Instead, the bus transporting him has an accident and collides with a truck-load of “genetic material.” The film doesn’t get too deep into the science behind said material, so I guess I’ll have to read the novelization to get the back-story. Anyhow, Jack gets sprayed with this goop and melts into the snow. If you can't figure out what happens next, it's either because you're stupid or because you can't believe it could be the plot of an actual feature-length film. More likely the latter. Yes, my friends, Jack mutates into the form of a killer snowman (read: actor gets costumed in big white Styrofoam balls).
The rest of the plot follows along gloriously clichéd lines, and I wouldn't want it any other way: the sheriff (Chistopher Allport) who initially captured Jack now finds his townspeople are becoming victims to mysterious killings. He, of course, has a wife and son whom he must protect, but Jack doesn’t get to them until later (thank goodness the killers in these movies never go for their intended targets first; otherwise we’d miss far too many gratuitous murders). Invariably an FBI agent shows up with a genetic scientist who reveals the truth to the sheriff about the material which changed Jack from a man to...um...giant snowball? Who knows, it doesn't matter. I think you know by now this movie isn't exactly knocking CITIZEN KANE off the top of the AFI’s list of all-time movies.
But man, is this movie funny! Jack has predictably cheesy lines as he kills people, all of them James Bond-ish puns using the words, "snow," "cool," or "cold." The killings are pretty inventive as well, ranging from decapitation by sled to being wrapped to death by Christmas lights. Best of all is a sex/killing scene, in which Jack uses his carrot-nose to…ahem…a woman while concurrently murdering her. He finishes his business by saying, “Looks like Christmas came a little early this year.” While I would have preferred “The Iceman Cometh,” we can’t deny the filmmakers their due. And when the good guys started fighting Jack with hair-dryers, I knew I had a winner.
By far the funniest part of the movie, however, comes when the genetic scientist starts spouting off about how the whole affair proves that the human soul does exist. Nothing like a horribly failed attempt at a serious moment to make a bad horror movie even more preposterous. I can see the behind-the-scenes discussion now:
JACK FROST SCREENWRITER: Please sir, allow me a moment in this film to expand upon the human condition.
PRODUCER: You put in a scene of a naked broad being killed and screwed by a snowman at the same time, and you can do whatever you want.
JACK FROST SCREENWRITER (to himself): After I make this movie, I’m going to be huge in Hollywood. Everyone will want to buy my scripts!
JACK FROST needs to be seen to be believed. It is amazingly entertaining without actually being any good. And that’s just how I like it.
RATING: *** (out of 4)
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