Aaah, turn it off!” “No, you can’t turn it off, you must finish this movie for the sake of the readers of Absolute Horror.” “But it’s just so awful! Must…finish…movie.” What you have just read was a dramatization of the voices in my head as I counted down the wasted minutes of my life watching THE UNBORN. I know what you’re thinking, with a name like this it sounds like an anti-abortion instructional video. But THE UNBORN does make a strong argument for birth control – not to mention the “off” button on your remote.
THE UNBORN centers around Virginia Marshall (Brooke Adams) and her attempts to get pregnant. She and her husband have had very little luck, so they decide to roll the dice and go to a highly recommended fertility doctor. In this introductory scene, we are treated to two of the only pleasures of this movie. The first is the doctor’s receptionist, played by none other than Lisa Kudrow, with one (count it), one line of dialogue. I guess you gotta start somewhere. The other is Kathy Griffin, playing the role of a proud lesbian waiting for her pregnant partner. Spotting these two in the early minutes of the film gave me great hope for what was to come. To quote Morgan Freeman in SHAWHANK REDEMPTION, “Hope is a dangerous thing. Hope can drive a man insane.”
Soon after her initial appointment with the fertility doc (Oliver Stone’s favorite character actor, James Karen), Virginia is pregnant. Then much of the film centers around conversations she has with her husband about their excitement – and soon concern over the impending childbirth. Why concern? Because as she talks to other parents of children who came about with the help of the same fertility doc, she starts to realize something strange is afoot. These kids are a little too smart and a little too advanced and many mothers died in child-birth because their advanced babies using their super-strength tore through their mother’s womb. Someone couldn’t wait the entire 9 months.
Well, in a twist right out of ROSEMARY’S BABY (I mean, right out), it turns out Virginia’s husband made a little deal with the doc, and allowed him to inject her with some sort of super-baby genes. Super indeed, as the baby somehow finds a way to communicate from Virginia from within the womb! How is Verizon’s coverage in the womb? Can you hear me now…good. Did I mention this movie wouldn’t be on any anti-abortionist’s shelves? Because Virginia in fact goes and gets herself an illegal abortion…only to have the baby survive! In a hilariously ridiculous scene, Virginia feels pangs of guilt and retrieves her baby from a trash can. Oy vey.
The grand finale has angry Virginia confronting her fertility doc only to discover his secret laboratory of super babies. If it sounds like something out of a bad 1950s movie, you’re right, only it lacks the fun of the added gore and nudity a modern movie allows. In fact, Fun is something that’s desperately missing from THE UNBORN as it’s a disturbing, unpleasant and tedious film.
I really hated watching this movie. The only positive I can say about it (besides spotting Kudrow and Griffin), is that it left me feeling happy that as a male I’m biologically incapable of having children. No woman who ever wants to have children should see this one. And really, no one else should either.
RATING: * (out of four)
Hardly a fair rating. While lacking the gratuitous nudity so common in modern B-rate horror movies, having kind of a thin plot, and being generally cheesy, it does have a certain creepiness about it. It is a definite must for any cheesy movie collection.
Posted by: Joe | November 04, 2007 at 09:49 AM
I agree with the critic, I'll sit through just about anything, but this, this was just a form of torture.
Posted by: Jane Anonyme | April 06, 2010 at 07:29 PM
Just for today I will be happy. This assumes to be true what Abraham Lincoln said，that "Most folks are as happy as they make up their minds to be."
Posted by: coach handbags | July 16, 2010 at 09:05 PM
And the essence of friendship ethics is trust and respect
Posted by: Chanel Replica Watches | January 15, 2011 at 03:07 AM
In many cases, my most important resolutions come paired with the opposite resolutions, and yet both are important to my happiness.
Posted by: Cheap Jordans | January 19, 2011 at 10:55 PM
i come here first time. Not a bad flick though I had to get used to the cgi snake,hated the sequel. Waiting...
http://www.nikeshoxsells.com/
Posted by: Nike Shox | April 19, 2011 at 10:06 PM
Very good article.. Congrats to everyone who are involved with this project.Don't worry about trying so hard, the best things come when you least expect them to!just outstanding!!
Posted by: Nike Dunk SB | May 17, 2011 at 02:45 AM
Nice article, great!I like it, thanks for sharing it with us. its worth reading! Thank you for your offering help post,guy,I will remember that. http://www.griffeysshoes.com/
Posted by: Griffey Shoes | May 17, 2011 at 02:48 AM
Sorry,i don't know how to receive my response, why?
http://www.christianlouboutindiscounts.com/
Posted by: Cheap Christian Louboutin | June 24, 2011 at 04:29 AM
Your article swept me away with its vast information and great writing. Thank you for sharing your views with such passion. I like your views.
Posted by: Ed Hardy Clothing | July 12, 2011 at 05:10 AM
Thank you so much ,i am feeling so nice after reading your article!
Posted by: Vibram Five Fingers | July 12, 2011 at 05:13 AM
Thank you for the article, I saw after the enlightened, my idea like you, just not good at expression
Posted by: Nike Dunks SB | July 12, 2011 at 05:17 AM
i agree with your views from here.
Posted by: Lacoste Trainers | July 15, 2011 at 11:59 PM
Good article, a see will attract people, so the article need not see know very well.
Posted by: Griffey Shoes | August 15, 2011 at 03:06 AM
Good to see that article, hoping to see more such articles are.
Posted by: Ken Griffey Jr Shoes | August 18, 2011 at 02:10 AM
The tongue is not steel, yet it cuts
l
Posted by: Swimwear Bikinis | August 19, 2011 at 05:14 AM
Words cut more than swords.
hujj
Posted by: Air Yeezy | August 19, 2011 at 07:48 AM
When you hear hoofbeats, think horses, not zebras.
S
Posted by: New Ken Griffey Jr Shoes | August 19, 2011 at 07:51 AM
Sorry,i don't know how to receive my response, why?
Christian Louboutin/Shoes/Sale/Cheap/Outlet/UK/Shop/Store/2011/Online/Discount/
http://www.christianlouboutinshoes-store.com/
Posted by: Christian Louboutin | November 01, 2011 at 03:35 AM
online pharmacy without prescriptions Buy by credit card,Order purchase online central nervous system disease Moduretic Free shipping stomach upset, nausea panic attacks help.Buy without prescription online hallucinations headache Moduretic mens health forum Frankreich quick delivery kidney disease reply how to get sample Brazil with free fedex overnight.Buy cheap on line JAPAN Internet Medical confusion or hallucinations Cialis sublingual Cod no prescription
buy viagra online united states buy viagra online united states
Posted by: online pharmacy in mexico | December 23, 2011 at 03:06 AM
online pharmacy overnight shipping Buying discounted Atlanta no Prescr's needed +FREE Tabs anemia eczema Aralen How To Get Prescription, Best Quality Meds uterine fibroids Pharmacies Shipped - Cheapest prices on the Net.Canada no prescript ion Check top pharmacy decrease in ability to sense pain, temperature or body position Aralen mens health forum SVERIGE FEDEX COD FREE CONSULT suicidal thoughts or other mood changes overnight delivery of in US no prescription needed.Canada no prescription amantadine, rimantadine, other medicines, foods, dyes, or preservatives Duricef Cheap online
online europe buy propecia, Where to buy buy propecia, buy buy proscar,
Posted by: online pharmacy europe | December 23, 2011 at 03:51 AM